my first post

hie.. this is my first post..  n this is the first time i am trying to write something. i don’t bet that my writings would be interesting, and i don’t promise that they would be boring. . .   though i am an adult by age, i still call myself a grown up kid.. trying to act like an adult .                      I still don’t understand why i have decided to express myself to this world.. n i wish this will not be one in the blunders list of my life.. .                                                     this blog is mostly about my journey through this year 2013.. a  year which has changed everything… depressed writings, but mean a lot to me..

hmmm… life sucks

Hie.. its me again. I m totally off my mind. I m depressed. I dont know what I am doing. I m using this site to express some of my unexpressed feelings. I feel I m not fit in this world. I lost discipline in life. I m carried away by my temptations.  I have become weak minded. all my god virtues are lost. I dono what is happening with me. If I continue like this one day I will end up nowhere. I dont want a life like this. I want to change. I want to stand up strong. I want to control my mind.i want to train it well. But things appear so tough that I am falling down. I am falling down badly. I am giving in very soon. I am nt able to sustain my values. I dont feel this to be the right way of living. I want to change. I want to live better.I want to conquer my slef. I want to conquer my mind which is my biggest enemy. I want to destroy all the temptaions in my life.hope I l suceed. Please pray for me

alas.. if I ever had a chance…

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly writing challenge: “Hindsight is 20-20.” This is about a friend in my school. We were classmates . I being very studios , used to help him in studies. Days passed by and his family had to move to a different state. And slowly we lost contact. After 6 to 7 years we got in touch through social network. It was my birthday and he made a surprise call . I promised to call back and get in touch. But things went wrong in my surroundings and I was forced to quit many things of my life. Later on when things settled, there came a lot of space between us. I feel guilty that I was responsible for that distance. I did make some trials to contact, but all went in vain. So if at all .. if I ever get a chance I would like to revive the lost friendship between us.. I hope that this new year does get me a good opportunity to do so.. thnq.. for ur innovative blog.. bye

different

Hmm… my life  seems to be without any meaning these days. I am an aspirant of knowledge.  .. I mean I m in the pursuit of getting a seat in masters. . Hmm.. as I sound, I am depressed. Or I feel  I am lost. Waterver it is, I am not like the normal. I am being governed by my heart. A heart with feelings. I dont think I am liking it this way. I want to start it all fresh, but I have an exam to give in the next 5days . I dont feel like getting into a revision plan. As I know I am already very late. And I dont want to leave things where they are. I have mixed feelings. That is why I think that I am governed by my heart.  I am missing the thing called self motivation.  I have many bad qualities.i am blank right now. So feel like doing something productive. What should I do? ?? My heart  and mind are not working in the same direction. I feel no one can help me. Except me. I have to come out of all this. I have to learn the things which I do not know. Okay. Its 4 days to my exam. So I m leaving the thought to revise. Because I was revising or rather thinking of revising the things past 2 weeks. It dint work out. My mind is still the same. As it was on the first day. So it is on the last day also. I called for help from the universe.  At the same time I got  a proverb into my mind, which says, ” one who cant help oneself cant receive help from others”  so here I am, that person who dint help myself , and begging for others help . Okay today whatever it is I want to make up my mind. I will surely start with a new study . A new topic. I will leave that exam for its fate. You know these exams are so disastrous . Hmm. I l have to b normal. Not get tensed. Whatever happens I am going to workout and crack into the toughest course on this earth. Wish me luck… bye for now

 

 

happy day

today i have done a good work.. i have deleted my face book account permanently.. i have mixed feelings right now.. but i think it is a very good decision in my life time… it is after getting an account in face book that my life changed for worse… today i have deleted it forever. i had my account for the first time in 2009. i felt happy that i got into contact with my school buddies. but my network did not stop there. my college mates have come into my network. here started all the problem. people started to like my photographs, my posts.. i felt it different. i felt that i was growing friends. but i was wrong. i have grown people who were jealous of me. they were jealous of my mere photographs. i was blind all that while. i have realized all this when my life got shattered by the jealous critics and evil minds. i felt things will set alright. but nothing was right after all that. i felt depressed for every act of mine . i felt that i was being haunted by ill hearts. i could not bear it.  i broke up with my best buddy. i kept stalking her account for a while, ant then realized that she was not fit in my life. even she was among those jealous hearts. things did not seem to change. my depression seemed to be never ending. a day had come when i decided to give up my life. but i did not water that idea as i knew that i am far better that the stupid stuff of this world. so i gave up stupid thoughts and started to make my life better.. i started to think of every mistake i have committed till date and i have realized that i should not have opened an account in face book. it took me some days to decide whether or not to delete it, cos i was a face book addict. and after much turmoil, i made up mu mind . and finally deleted that permanently. i want to make out some time for myself. i love nature and i want to spend sufficient time admiring its beauty. i guess today on i l live my life with zeal.. hope so… 🙂 

my life as it is..

as i have already said.. i am an adult with a childish attitude.. in a way reserved person . . with simple attitude that i am living, just b’cos i have to..  not many wishes .. nothing much to do, other than studying.. not many friends, not interested in anything in particular… i am spiritual to some extent and that takes people away from me. . life for me is meant to help the world.. n i believe that ”  Helping Hands are Better Than Praying Lips ”

i am a God loving person, with a lot of respect to my elders. family is always my prime importance. . . and coming to my family, its a sweet one .. parents n n one sibling.. coming from an Indian background, i m very much attached to my parents n sibling. though my family doesn’t have any orthodox rules , i being spiritual appear to regulate myself with many rules..

i donno what to call myself, bt people around me give me many titles.. many call me tough, some say i appear childish, n some other cal me headstrong and aggressive.. whatever it may be, i am the one bearing all the qualities which a common human being must posses … n this part of my nature fetches me all he problems which i never dream of..

graduation is what i have done to live n save ….  imagination is something that which i hv made as  my best hobby , n day dreaming as my best time pass..

as this is the first time i am writing some blog, don mind if it appears wierd..

will be back very soon with my journey in 2013…